Tuesday, 18 June 2013

My thoughts on Gratitude

I'm going to start this by saying that life is not a bed of roses right now. Due to my health issues this spring I left a company that treated me wonderfully to take a job close to home. This has turned out to be a disaster and my self esteem has been dealt yet another blow.
For most of my life I have lived by the credo of positive thoughts bring positive actions and reactions. I lose touch with that now and then while in the midst of some crisis or other but can usually return to my positive frame of mind. For the past four years I've had real difficulty seeing what's good and lovely in my life as I struggle financially.
On Saturday I lost my job. I'd like to say unexpectedly but it wasn't really. The execution of that departure is what hit me. The owner of this company is, quite simply, a bastard. He's a spoiled man/child who is used to everyone letting him get away with bad behaviour. I was not his choice for hiring and he made that clear from the moment I walked through the door. I have never been treated with such contempt and disrespect in my life. So, I had one foot out the door but I was working on setting up my next move. Nonetheless, I came home in tears to the open arms of my son, Jeff. I know he was even more scared than me but he held me and let me cry it out. I am so grateful to have him in my life.
Then I texted my rock, Brenda, who thank god was up here. She sat through my ranting and gave me a better perspective on things and lunch. I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time figuring out just where I fit in in life right now. Brenda made sure that I knew I was valued. I love her for that.
Sunday I had a glass of wine and talk with Colleen. Our paths have crossed since we moved to Muskoka and we clicked from day one. I won't go into some of the icky parts of our lives that we have in common but we understand where the other is coming from. I'm going to be making use of her real estate talents but just having another shoulder is invaluable. Thank goodness we found each other.
I'm sitting here listening to CBC ( as usual) and they're discussing gratitude. It's funny how things come into your life just when you need to hear them. That's what sent me to my blog. I have quietly embraced all this new age mumbo-jumbo because I've seen evidence of controlling your universe. It's time to take these moments I have right now to center myself again and focus on bringing positive energy back into my life. My Wayne Dyer discs will be dusted off. Yes, I do listen to him. He approaches things with a sense of humour and practicality that that I can work with.
If I haven't said it lately I am so grateful for my family and friends. The older I get the more I appreciate the wonderful people who cross my path. I truly believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason. I'm trying to figure out why this bastard had to cross my path but, guess what, I came into his life for a reason as well. I'm sure he learned nothing from the encounter. I have learned to appreciate those people I've worked for who saw value in my contribution.
As for making use of Colleen's real estate talents, that's a story for another day. Plans to be made.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Feeding My Soul

I had the house to myself today for the first time in months and what did I do with myself? I spent it lazing around. Laundry, that ever present spectre, was attended to and I did my favourite activity, bake. Just a batch of cookies but the satisfaction concocting in the kitchen always brings was just as evident.
With that in mind I just want to let everyone know that Muskoka Brownie and Baking is still in business. I'm working closer to home so I actually have time for myself so please let me know if you need any baking.
I know most people don't share my passion for cooking and baking but I've been thinking on the zen of baking. I think it comes from the same place as all of my creative endeavours, the desire to create something. There is nothing more relaxing than knitting a sweater, baking a cake or sewing an outfit ( provided the damn thing fits once you're done, still not used to my current body shape). People look at me as though I was from another planet when they learn that, yes, I still do all of these crafts. I call myself the Canadian Martha Stewart, just without her money. Handcrafts are a " good thing".
At various times in my life I haven't been able to fit crafts into my days and I always find that my soul shrivels a bit during these times. Without an outlet for some of my ADD brain I find myself becoming antsy and unhappy. One top or a piece of jewellery can instantly cure these ills and I have something new to wear!
My sisters share this passion, although we each express it differently. Joy knits socks, we all love her socks. Dayle creates jewellery, I'm always up for a gift piece. Now my daughters are getting into it as well. Jess sews and bakes. Jenn draws and is teaching herself to cook. Another generation takes up the torch. In my family we women have been crafting since at least my great-grandma. Before that there is no known history but mom would tell us stories of her mom and grandma. Grandma Kilpatrick was an excellent baker and loved to knit.
I think growing up in a house where crafting activities are all around definitely shapes you. Nothing was pushed on us but the opportunity to learn was always there. Provided, of course, the particpants have enough patience to survive each other. My learning how to sew in zippers and clothing learning to fly is a story that has gone to the grave with mom. As I tell it I was the perfect student, everything went beautifully from the beginning and nary a cross word was exchanged. Since mom isn't here to contradict me that is how it went, that'll teach her.
Being left-handed has given me a few difficult moments when first learning to sew and knit. I finally had to figure out knitting on my own. The strange thing is I now knit right-handed. Grandma was left-handed as well. I wish she had lived long enough for us to knit together.
So, I sit and plan my next project, large or small, and feed my soul.