I never thought much about being a mom as a young woman. I new philosophically that I'd have kids one day. Most girls did back in the stone ages. I just never gave any thought to the reality of being a mother. As the book goes, " it was the best of times. It was the worst of times". When Jessica was born I fell in love. This lovely little thing trusted me literally with her life. I'd like to think I took to mothering right off but the reality is there was a lot of trial and error. As each baby arrived I fell in love all over again. Who knew that I'd take to being a mother?! In the end it has become my biggest raison d'etre.
I became fascinated with watching my kids grow through the various stages. Early babyhood was endlessly intriguing. One week your arms belong to the universe and the next week you are able to control their movement, those fingers are tasty! Getting to hear that belly laugh that only babies can produce come out of all four of them still warms my heart in memory.
Years have passed and as the kids grow and leave home some things change and others never will. I've had to learn to step back and not try to fight all the battles. Apparently the ex and I have taught them well because as young adults they are kind, funny, ambitious and, it appears, well adjusted. I still worry about them constantly because I only want the best for them and the best doesn't always come along. I've tried to picture my life without kids and I honestly can't. My family has grounded me, frustrated me and brought me joy. Without them I think I would have lead a very solitary life as I'm far too content being alone. God knew what he was doing.
My mind was wandering off in another direction today as well. I read my sister-in-law's blog about her class reunion and I wondered once again why our graduating class has never bothered to have one. My sister Dayle's class gets together regularly, with classmates coming in from all across Canada to see each other. In the past few years a few of us have started making an effort to get together and that is usually a lot of fun. Maybe it's more significant that we have chosen as a small group to rekindle old friendships. It's not the standard picture of the school gym reunion where everyone has to wear nametags (gad) and gossips about each other behind their hands.
We show up warts and all with no need to impress each other. We share stories and jokes, and companionship that still exists after all these years and our diverse lives. We've lost two of the gang in the last two years and it leads us to make a greater effort to remain in contact. This works for us. No fanfare, just friends making time for each other.
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