Mid winter's dreaming

Have I mentioned before how great I think my kids are? Ok, I know I say it all the time. Guess what it's true. Yesterday the gang descended on the house, at my invitation, for pizza Sunday. Once a month I try to make sure we have these dates because in between it's mostly texts or radio silence. It was a gathering of the usual suspects with Arif ( who is actually one of the usual suspects) and Sanata. Nothing exciting happened, we talked about books ( sorry Alex I tried, I just don't like Game of Thrones) played games and ate pizza. My daughters who are delicate flowers suffered gut pains and food poisoning ( not from my pizza) but all had a good time.
I often wonder if my life revolves too much around my, now grown ,children but I then consider myself lucky that they want me in their lives. Sanata has asked me to teach her how to knit and we're making plans for her to come out, learn to knit and marathon Gilmore Girls with me.I laughed when everyone arrived because I was still in the bathroom making myself beautiful and both Jenn and Sanata barged in to give me a hug. It reminded me of the times my sisters and I would arrive home from college etc and head to the bathroom to catch up.
As we figure out what our family looks like as they make their own lives I wonder why modern North Americans have tried to move away from the natural inclination for families to live near each other or in the same house. We are exploring how to live closer to share expenses and just to be together. Mom used to tell stories of growing up with her Grandmother living in their house and from that generation it doesn't sound weird. With our striving, since WWII, to have more buy bigger houses and prove to each other that we've arrived we've lost a lot of the soul of the family. Why do we not turn to the elders in the family for advice and support? We have at least made the mistakes and hopefully learned from them. I've mentioned before how lost I feel without mom as at least a sounding board for my mad ideas. If you still have your parents try and cherish them. Yes, they can be set in their ways and perhaps give advice when not asked. It's not because they don't think you can do it on your own it's usually because they don't want you to suffer from mistakes they've already experienced.
Anyway, back to my kids. Quick update on their lives. Jess just got a promotion in a business I don't understand, logistics. Virgo that she is, she loves it! Keeping everyone organised and going where they're supposed to and wheeling and dealing for money makes her little heart beat fondly. Jenn's illustration renown continues to grow. We just have to make sure she comes out of her cave  and her head more frequently. Jeff is learning a new profession in IT. Will it be enough to challenge for the long run? That remains to be seen. Greg is finally seeing light at the end of the high school tunnel and is looking forward to programming in college. They're not curing cancer or solving global warming but they're succeeding where they're planted and this is enough.
Love you all near and dear. I'm proud of the whole motley crew of you. Our strange family, and this means my extra kids too, all are great, kind and funny people. I'm blessed to know you.

Thoughts on the days to come

I can't believe it's been four months since I last posted! This is a sign of how busy the fall has been. As you all know I rejoined Scholars Choice this summer. We rolled into back-to-school in August and the momentum kept up right until 5pm Christmas Eve. The company has changed it's marketing tactics and we had a sales events every two weeks. It's a grueling pace to keep up for three months. Constantly contacting customers and keeping the store prepared. Now we are in January. We have inventory this week and then, hopefully, a month to regroup and catch our breaths.

I've had a number of subjects floating in and out of my mind over this time period.You'd think I'd want to look back at 2015 but I'm working on staying positive and looking forward. 2015 holds very few positive moments for me. I look forward to things getting better, settling into my old normal and being able to look forward to the future instead of dreading what's coming next. Wow, such a positive outlook, lol.

I was listening to a documentary on CBC today about a writer who lived about the same amount of time as mom. She had taken life by the horns at a very young age then ended up involving herself in almost every important historical event of the 20th century. As I was listening I remarked to the boys
how amazing it was that she was brave enough to just do these things. I know I live a small life but when did I stop being brave? I'm not interested in being a history changer but I realised that for the past three years I have been constantly afraid. I've made a few decisions since mom's death that have affected my financial security and I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out of everything. This fear, I'm sure, is apparent to my kids and I hate what they're learning.  How does one get past this? I haven't figured it out yet but I'm determined to make it work this year.

There, dirty laundry aired, too much about me shared, let's move on.

I can't promise to write more regularly although I should. I think I'd like to work on some creative writing. This has never been my strength. Oh, I know I can properly form a sentence but I purposely studied maths, sciences and languages to avoid having to write essays. Having the freedom here to write about anything I want has given me a voice I didn't realise I had. So, we'll see if I'm brave enough ( be brave Nancy) to publish some creative writing on here. I have a children's book I've been playing with for years. Time to pull it out and see if there's something good there.

Dayle is always going out for a walk. I find walking boring but you have to walk before you can run and I want to be able to run again. You will not hear about my progress here because I hate looking for positive reinforcement for something I'm doing just for me. When I've made enough progress to please me you will know.

How did this turn into a piece that looks dangerously close to a list of resolutions. I hate those lists. What I do know is that if you put your plans, ideas etc in writing that gives them a concrete form.

And adding to the list. I started off the year by creating two new pieces of jewellery. One is actually a hanging for Jeff but they are both trees of life. I spend so much time worrying about everything that I can't focus on my creative soul. I have this lovely craft room and the cats spend more time in there than I do. I have some great pieces of fabric I've already made plans for. Get them out, cut them out and get sewing.

Put away the computer and read more. I'm tired most days once dinner is over. That leads to too much TV and screen time. Read, read, read. Head to our quite well stocked library and wander the stacks. Pick up anything that appeals and just read it.

I hope everyone has something to look forward to this year that brings them joy and peace. It doesn't have to be monumental and it most certainly doesn't have to be a resolution. Nat, Steve and the girls are looking forward to Disney World. That's cool. Think of the memories! Make a memory you want to look back on. Dayle and Greg create memories every day simply because they don't know how many more days there will be to make them.

Maybe that's my main goal this year. Stop being afraid and make some memories I will want to share with all of you.

As always love you all lots.

And That was Summer!

Happy Labour Day everyone, I hope you are actually not working and celebrating the day it was meant to be celebrated. I don't know how many people march in labour union parades anymore but I think we all deserve a day that was designed to honour all workers. This still marks the end of the year for me. The school calendar still rules my mind. It's funny that autumn, the season of winding down and dying off, feels more like the beginning of the year than January. Being back in an industry that revolves around the school year intensifies this but for me I wilt all summer long and only come back to life once the weather turns and the sky turns fall blue.
It's been a busy summer. I went back to work after a long winter of idleness; spent two whirlwind weeks working at the Panam Games to come back to my store to quickly get up to speed for back to school. August has gone by in a blur and I'm looking forward to a break in September and October to settle into the job and get the store ready for Christmas. Jeff has been working his way through his course and will be heading into the co-op portion soon. It's going really well. We had a family reunion, Kilpatrick style, in June. That went well I think and it was good to see Greg looking healthier than I've seen him in a while. Jeff and Sharon look good too although they continue to deal with chronic health issues.
Moving into fall Greg, the younger, will be working in an accelerated program that will see him finally finishing high school. It's a self-directed course and he assures me that he's motivated and will succeed. Greg, the older, has entered into yet another battle with his health now undergoing cancer treatment for the leukemia that's been lurking about for years. If you can, get out and give a swab to get on the bone marrow donor list.
This summer also marks one year in Cambridge. I think we're all settled and happy. The house still has projects but it's snug and cozy. Once this crazy heat passes we're going to tackle the front yard landscaping. Not such a big job as it's the size of a postage stamp but I have grand plans that I'd like to get shaped out before the snow flies. Then on to replacing the back fence. We're going to recycle the old boards various places around the yard but the back fence is so dilapidated that I feel very white trash. Some of the boards will be cut down to make a weathered picket fence for the front yard. I'll post pics once things are co-ordinated.

And so we go gently into my favourite season of the year. I look forward to pulling out all my old issues of Victoria ( fall ) and wandering through photos lush fall colours, layering up rather than wishing there was some way to peel off my skin and heating up the oven to get some treats baking. A trip north is definitely needed to see the colours.

Mid summer's dream

It's been a while but the reasoning is my life went from 7 months of boredom and unease to 2 months of full speed new experiences. As most of you know I'm finally back to work. I made a conscious decision to find work somewhere in the children's industry. Retail continues to keep me and I was given an opportunity to return to a company I had worked for when I first came back to work after being a stay at home mom for ten years, Scholars Choice.
I've been back a little over two months and have just this week taken over as sole manager. The previous manager was training me for the first two weeks, she's having a baby in September. I found out Friday that it has been recommended that she not come back to work for the last month and so here I am. Mostly trained, remembering more and more of how it used to work and looking forward to rebuilding the business at my store. You may be thinking, why does it take thus long to train up? The reason is in the middle of all this I took off for two weeks to run three retail venues for the PanAm games. I had to switch hats and learn new systems, albeit simple ones. That was a whirlwind two weeks of sun, heating , selling and leading a great team.
I feel content for the first time in a long while. Work keeps me busy all the time and the team and I seem to be meshing.
This weekend I had hoped to go away but the gang headed to cottage country instead and left Greg and I to cat sit. Greg is camping out at Jess and Alex's for the weekend and I have the house completely to myself. I can't remember the last time this happened. No one looking for food, except the cats, no one wanting me to do anything. After a month of full tilt activity this is bliss. And with all this free time guess what I'm doing. That's right baking. It's been so hot the past month I've barely felt like putting a meal on the table. Today is cool and cloudy, just the right weather to fire up the oven and feed my soul.
I spent an hour going through one of my old standby recipe books looking for a zucchini loaf recipe. One of my co-workers gave me a yellow zucchini from her garden so I wanted to do it justice. I doubled the batch and whipped up two dozen muffins. They're delicious, I tested them.Next I had some over bananas so I made a double batch of batter that has cherries and chocolate as well. I made mini loaves of this. They've just come out of the oven but the batter tasted good so I have every confidence that they'll be good too.
Tonight will be spent watching chick flicks without the comments, heaven. Glass of wine too I think.
Tomorrow I do some yard work. We still haven't planted the gardens  but the ones that still live here need attention. I've plans for a fairy garden in one corner of the backyard. We're waiting for the cooler weather to tackle all that.
I think not going away this weekend was probably a godsend. I need peace and quiet instead of more hustle and bustle.
On another note my oldest son turned 23 this weekend. I'm constantly surprised that they keep growing up while I'm still trying to figure out who I am. Jeff is a Leo through and through. A charming showman who sometimes forgets that others have feelings. He's still my best bud but I can feel the chaffing of a grown child still living at home. I try to give him space but he's still under my roof so you know how that goes. Too many chiefs and all that.

And so we head into August, I may be imagining it but I can feel fall coming. Probably wishful thinking after a long, hot month.This time of year at the store is as busy as Christmas so the team and I have a lot to do. We're up for it. Once it quiets down again I need to start hiring. I've been thinking a lot about my old team at the Brampton Scholars. Boy, if Isabel lived closer I'd give her a call and say we're getting the old crew back together, let's rock. As it is, I'll get to know some new people in my new neighbourhood, perfect.

Deep philosophical thoughts

Happy June! Bit of an odd way to start but, for me anyway, June is starting out happily. I didn't make it widely known because I was embarrassed to be, once more, in this state but I have been out of work for the past 6 months. In the end, my path and Victorinox's weren't the same. I joined because of the opportunity to build a brand in Canada knowing little about the brand. I found it difficult to really sell the brand ( not the product) to our customers and to do what I usually do best which is build a loyal repeat business. When the chance to grow the brand across Canada changed so did my commitment to the company. Sadly, it ended before Christmas. On the positive side I had the winter to get healthy (remember the shingles) and work on really settling in house here in Cambridge. Always more desirable to have another position to go to before you leave the last but everything happens when it is supposed to happen. Another thing I've been doing is really looking at my career and deciding what works and what doesn't. The conclusion was that, while I like to sell and have sold almost everything, I need my contribution to make a difference. This led me back to children's retailing. I started by applying and interviewing for children's clothing retailers and over to the toy industry. That leads me to one of the happy things happening this month which is rejoining Scholars Choice.

 This company took me on when I rejoined the work force in 2000 after my being a stay at home mom for 10 years. My reasons for leaving were and still are important, lack of recognition of my skills and talents. The difference now is that I've made that need perefectly clear from the onset. The odd thing about coming back to a company that knew you is that the conversations start somewhere in the middle. Heather, my new DM, and I were both managers and we both left the company for extended periods of time. My conversation with Heather ran the lines of catching up, talking about the industry and then to the new specifics of Scholars Choice. I'm coming back to a company much changed by the recession and still strangely familiar. To start with they knew me as Nancy St-Onge, lots of water under the bridge in 10 years. I'm gong into a familiar scenario where the store needs to build it's business within it's four walls and adding on the challenge of building the business through B2B connections in the educational/daycare industry. I'm up for it. Lots of work? I sure hope so! Large expectations because of past association? Definitely! As I've said to Heather, I'm looking at this as a completely new job in an industry where I have experience. They've changed and so have I. My quiver is full of new skills both personal and professional. In the end I'm always me; light-hearted, loyal, smart and out-spoken. What I've learned is when and where to use these. Wish me luck and come see me at the Scholars Choice Kitchener store, if you're in the area!

Take a close look at the above photo because getting this group all together for a family photo is rare indeed. In case you don't know, this is me and my brother and sisters, Jeff, Joy and Dayle. I'm the superstar in the shades. No one told me to take them off! We have not all been together since mom's funeral and it was a much happier occasion that brought us together this weekend. Dayle was researching our family tree and came across a second ( I think) cousin, Marian. Being the social butterfly she and Marian struck up an online friendship that dew me in and we ended up trying to plan a get together. Marian lives in England so distance was clearly a factor. Serendipity stepped in with Marian and her husband David planning a visit to her kids here in Cambridge. I stepped out of my comfort zone and offered up our place for a party and so it went. Jeff and Sharon are often left out of the loop because they don't live the digital life but an invitation was mailed and to our delight they said they'd come. Joy, that sneaky so and so,made it very clear that she was too busy and important to join us. Let's just say a few tears were shed when Nat's car pulled up with her in the front seat. 

Marian and David, poor David, got the full Ferrier treatment. Sister speak, as we know it, ran rampant. I don't know if other families do this but we all have so many vital and important things to say that we all have to say them all at once. We can decipher it but for the untrained outsider it can be a bit daunting, again, poor David. Luckily for us Marian is a Kilpatrick, which means she carries the gab gene. Clearly one of us! She even thought she could have some olives!! Only those in the know understand how sacred the olive count is in our family. Needless to say we all had a good time. 

Our family is fairly far flung and we, quite frankly, don't worry too much about keeping in touch but put us all in one place and none of that matters. Sharon's stories are always entertaining, Joy and I catch up on everything and Dayle never shuts up (love you) . Marian and David seemed glad to have met us. At least we didn't scare them off, lol! Mom's side of the family is a mystery to us so having this one small link to it is precious. 

Thank you Dayle for not being happy living in our little cocoon and reaching  out. I'm sure mom is thrilled to know we're keeping family strong and adding new branches. As usual, Love you all.

Happy Mother's Day

I've waxed poetic about my mom a number of times but I think I'll do it one more time. It's five years since she left us and a week doesn't go by when I don't stop and think, " I wish I could tell mom about this". Life continues to be a chaotic mess and although I'm now the one who doles out 'words of wisdom', I could sure use a few reassuring words from her. My cousin Christine is worrying about her mom having to move into a seniors' home but I see Aunt Irene as being made out of the same sturdy stock as my mom. Life happens, you pick up and carry on as best you can. As Dayle reminded us one of mom's favourite sayings in the later years was " life might not be great but it's better than the alternative!".

This photo is from Christmas 2011

I look at my kids and think that mom would have really liked this bunch. They're outspoken (can't imagine which gene produced that), funny and good. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I've been blessed with these kids. As they grow into adults ( yes, I know, we've been adults for a while now, mom) we tend to talk about our years at Kesteven Crescent. Not with longing for the good old days but discussing the tough times we went through. It was not a happy home, although I tried to hide the cracks in their dad's and my relationship. It turns out the cracks were more like crevasses and the kids felt, at times, like they might fall in. I'm sorry I couldn't make it better at the time but we were and still are a tight knit little group who stand up for each other.
I am a Sagittarian and all that entails. I see the good side of everything, am honest and speak my mind and I have wanderlust. What does this mean as a mom? Well, I've been told I don't always sugar coat things. Ha, no kidding. I will never say anything in malice but I do speak the plain truth. If I think you're being a jerk you'll know it. If I'm pissed off you ( and a few of the neighbours) will know that too. But I'm fiercely loyal especially when it comes to my kids. I miss the days when I had to do battle for them. The world better not mess with my cubs. The gang has endured my need for the new through three moves in the last 10 years and a number of job changes. I've been told in no uncertain terms that I'm not allowed to move again. I'll just have to slip out in the night next time. It's apparently ok for them to move though. Jenn and Theo are moving back to Brampton this month and I worry that we won't make time for each other. This past year with all of us in the same town has been great. I don't want to lose that... do you hear me, Jenn?
For Mother's Day I`m being taken out for brunch at a lovely restaurant we all like. So, as I don`t have a mom to thank, I want to reverse the thanks. Thanks for being such great kids and making my job as your mom pretty easy. We are far from perfect but as I`ve said before we`ve collected other people who want to be part of this crazy family so we must be doing something right. Love you all lots.

April 23rd and snow

Mother Nature as usual is having her last laugh this week with temperatures hovering around 0 and this morning, snow and ice. Luckily the kids and I haven't taken the winter tires off yet.Sometimes laziness pays off!

This weekend my baby, that's my 6'2" baby, turned 19. Weird to think that, officially, Greg is a man capable of making his own decisions. The reality of it is I still nag him out of bed to get to school every day. As frustrating as it can be sometimes to live with Greg the truth is I like this kid. He sees the world from a completely different angle. This is saying a lot in a family where we're all skewed a little off the norm. He and I have figured out how to rub along together as long as outside forces (that is usually Jeff) don't interfere. Our typical quality time has the two of us in the same room doing completely different things and hardly talking. It works because we're together and have the opportunity to talk as needed. Not what the books call well spent time but in this house it's perfect. I continue to worry about him getting through high school, we're currently exploring yet another avenue that hopefully will get him to the end. Anyway, Happy Birthday my little smooky poo!

I was picking up some fabric a week ago to make a shade for Jeff's window and, as usual, got talking to another lady in line. She doesn't sew and was commenting that she couldn't find a pattern for draped swags. I jokingly said she was showing her age because that style is no longer in fashion. Long story short this lead to me explaining how easy it really is to make curtains and valances and one of the sales clerks at Len's saying that I should make the valances for her. We exchanged numbers and I came home and made Jeff's shade and a cute summer purse I'd been planning. Sonia called me a few days later and asked if I would make the valances and we went back to purchase her fabric. I spent a few hours designing her scalloped valances and sending her patterns. In the end Sonia, with the influence of her daughter, decided not to put up valances right now but this lead me to design something similar for my kitchen windows.

 I've had this fabric for about 10 years. I made a table cloth for the dining table years ago and am thrilled to have the rest out where I can see it every day.

This all leads to my saying that, yes, the bake-off continues but other things are always popping up to distract me. ADHD much Nancy, ooh, sparkly. Oh, ya, I also painted the front windows, first coat only. If it warms up next week I'll finish that job. Looks so much better than the peeling avocado paint.

Last week my sous-chef and I (that's Greg) decided to make a couple of cookies from the spice section. I had Jess go over the list and choose which ended up with some editing of my lovely handwriting into what they thought I had written. Horrible children, but I think the new name for the Honey Sandies to Hans Solo cookies might be an improvement.

 We ended up with Browned Butter Cardamom cookies and Gossamer Spice cookies. I had included the latter recipe because they look like the IKEA ginger cookies we all like so much. Both batters had to be chilled before using so I whipped up both before coercing Greg into helping. Now I read over the recipes before I started and gathered all the ingredients but some of those numbers are written soo small that maybe I made a few changes.

 I like to use browned butter in a lot of things so the idea of using it in cookies was really appealing. Cardamom is quickly becoming one of our family's favourite spices and both cookies had it in them. The above photo is of the Browned Butter cookies. They are baked until just set and not browned. The result is a soft, chewy cookie with a lovely buttery flavour. The cardamom is not noticeable but the votes overall was that this is a good cookie to use as a base for other flavours. I don't really like chewy cookies but the majority rules and the rest of the family does so this one stays in the line-up. I think I'll spice them up a little more next time.

 Now the Gossamer cookies are basically a ginger snap. This is where that tiny writing got me. I was supposed to add a 1/2 tspn " apple pie spice", which is just cinnamon and nutmeg combined. I accidentally added 1/4 tspn cinnamon an 1/2 tspn nutmeg, oh well, the spicier the better as far as I'm concerned. That wasn't the end of it though. The recipe called for an 1/8 tspn of ground red pepper. Not having that I decided that cayenne could be substituted. No problem except that I added a 1/4 tspn instead of an 1/8th. In the end what happened was that the cookies have a bit of a nip to them not really an issue but next time I'll use the correct amount of pepper. The recipe also said to use my 2" cutter and what resulted were little cookies that look more like crackers than cookies. In light of the fact that the cookies are quite spicy I think the smaller size this time is perfect but next time when I make them perfectly I'm going to use the 3" cutter and roll them less the thickness of gossamer. The final decision on these are that they do remind us of the IKEA gingersnaps and they are worth keeping.

In case you haven't noticed we haven't eliminated a lot of recipes, lol. The gang is mostly enjoying having a barrage of new cookie flavours. I think the conclusion here is that we all just like cookies, any flavour, any shape.                                                                                                                 I think I'll go into the bar section of my recipes for next week. They're usually quick and easy to        make. Jess marked the goat-cheese brownies as one she'd like me to make. I've had that on my             Christmas baking list for a few years so I think that will be one. Wait and see what else I make. 

   

Think Spring everyone, the shoots are starting to pop up here. I'm sure Dayle is living in a tropical lushness and hopefully that foot of snow in Joy's backyard has melted. Love ya all.