Happy Birthday, Sis!

Today is the day we celebrate the birth of one of my big sisters, Dayle. Just to make it clear she is much older than me, 22 months to be exact. It's a wonder we can communicate across that vast divide, lol.
I'm going to say some stuff that I don't usually tell people but I'll put it in writing this once and never have to repeat it again. Due to my memory issues I have few memories of my childhood but here's the highlights that have stuck with me. When we were young the three of us girls shared a bedroom. Let's just say all wasn't bliss but we rubbed along pretty well together. Once our brother Jeff moved out Joy got a room to herself and I was left alone with the crazy one. There are those of you will not believe this but trust me, that mild mannered exterior hides true evil. Dayle was a little OCD, although we didn't have a name for it back then. She loved to have a place for everything and everything in it's place. Really annoying actually. I, on the other hand, was a creative free-spirit who she thought was a messy pig. Lines were drawn down the middle of the room but I had the power of the doorway. Although I'll deny it until my dying day Dayle claimed that I made noises in my sleep. If I did it was probably my whimpering in fear of her evil. I can remember at least two occasions when a shoe flew across the room to quieten me. Then there was the pummeling. Oh, the pummeling. Imagine picking on my tiny self by rolling me across my bed and tap dancing on my back into the wall. I know there are some you who won't believe this but it's true! There are reasons I'm like I am today. But I had the power or the door. let me tell you a little story of my speed and grace against the evil Dayle. She'll claim I provoked her but I was a mere child. Let's just say I could do the fifteen stair sprint in seconds flat slamming my door upon entry to the room. Dayle's foot was alittle too close and she lost a toe-nail in that skirmish. From there we progressed to the stair dash into the bathroom. No lock on the door, are you crazy? Privacy was an illusion. Whip out the drawer block the door aaannd safe.
Then we grew up a bit and the bathroom became a bonding zone. No details but let's just say I dragged her sorry ass up those same stairs a few times to converse with the toilet. I was the responsible one and Dayle managed to survive with the majority of her  brain cells. When the college years arrived and we went in different directions the bathroom was the first meeting place, drawer pulled for security, taking turns on toilet and tub right after arriving home. Tales were told, always Dayle's and secrets shared, mainly Dayle's.
Dayle seems to have lived a charmed life but having been in the trenches I know this not to be true. Don't get me wrong I've always envied and emulated her easy way with people. In high school we were only a year apart and growing up in a small town groups mixed and melded and we attended many a soiree together. Here's how it went. I walk in my few close friends greet me. Dayle steps through the door and the party starts. Squeals from all directions, the boys vying for her attention, disgusting really. I had to be the brains of the family, thank goodness this came easily.
We fought like tigers, I have witnesses ( just ask Brenda) but were true sisters in that outside the house we had each other's backs. Insult my sister and you insult me. "Yes, she does have boobs like the eighht wonder of the world but she more than that'", this said with a truly sincere tone of voice and everything! I'm not even going to bring up the fact that she hogged all the boobs in the family. God had a certain amount to distribute, I was a surprise, he had already given the rest to Dayle. My only consolation is that big boobs and the laws of gravity don't mix, heh,heh,heh.
Then there were the princess years. I blame Greg for this. He loves her so much he treated her like royalty. The week long birthday celebrations when mine was barely acknowledged were the worst.  Not to mention having a hunk for a husband. Come on now, enough is enough!
Well, I think the karma train picked her up and is taking her on too long of a ride. The past five years have been a trial that few would survive let alone remain cheerful and positive through but there she is, Princess Dayle, standing tall and taking on everything that's been thrown at her and Greg. She makes me sick really, I can hardly stand to call her my sister.
So, I love you, you old bag. You have my beauty, mom's diligence and dad's warped sense of humour. The perfect package. I'm still the youngest and loveliest.

Time passes so quickly, and then sometimes it doesn't

Six months at my new job has flown by but then at the same time taken forever. I feel as though I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and that shoe is picking up and moving again. Just to reassure everyone the job is going well. I'm having to get used to a district manger who appreciates me and tells me so. I'm not used to much feedback at all and positive has been rare so I wasn't sure how to react when Blair praised me. So, now I have to learn to accept praise along with it being ok to ask for help. Geez, it's almost like it's alright for me to be human and take off my Wonder Woman t-shirt every now and then, figuratively speaking of course. I'd never really take that sucker off.
I'm still camped out at Jess and Alex's and I'm constantly amazed that, one, Jess and I haven't killed each other ( I guess both of us have grown up a little) and two, they haven't kicked me out just to have the place to themselves. I try to be invisible but don't always succeed.
Then comes the move. I think I've got the town picked out but I need to get the house sold. Four plus feet of snow and snow banks taller than the boys makes the homestead only desirable to the hearty souls who know Muskoka. So, now I dream of Spring. Not that crazy melt we had last spring, god forbid, but just a casual disappearance of the snow and a gentle greening that brings the yard back to life. Basically a spring that has never existed in this part of Canada, lol. Then the sign goes up. I'm still reluctant to let go of my little cabin in the woods but the OLG has yet to send me my millions in winnings so two homes are out of the question. I've been shopping the MLS listing with the same addiction I reserve for Pinterest and have some areas that look good. We're heading Cambridge/ Kitchener way. With the mall being near Milton that area is just a short drive away. Easy for me but I'm uprooting the boys again. Greg has attended two high schools and I worry ( what a surprise! ) that this move will throw off things one more time.
I no longer feel like I failed Muskoka 101 because I think I've found my niche with Victorinox. The Canadian division is in it's infancy and I'm already being able to make a contribution to it's growth and fruition.
For now I continue to trek north when I can, sleep in my own bed as often as possible and count my blessings. 2014 is slated to be a year of abundance and our clan could use some. Jess has started a job that she could do a lot with. She's now entering into retail management with Aren't We Naughty. Yes, another of us selling their soul to the retail gods. Alex is happy and prospering at his job. Jenn and Theo both have things in the works that I'll share once they have a more certain outcome. Now to get resettled back south. Jeff can find a job and make any further schooling plans with a wide selection of schools available. Greg will carry on as he always has but maybe he'll carry on even better than he always does. Perhaps his niche is in Kitchener. Hope springs eternal.
Be gone winter surely you've blown yourself out by now! Time for at least the January thaw even if it is February. Happy Valentine's Day to those who observe it. Hug the one's you love.

It's Christmas time again!

Good morning everyone! The house is quiet here in the woods as the wolf pack won't be gathering today. It's an odd feeling without the noise and laughter but I'm going to make the best of it anyway starting with some peaceful alone time. This is a commodity I've had very little of the past five months due to my vagabond existence. I've got just the tree lights on and am brewing some café au lait. It's going to be a gorgeous day out here the sky is just starting to turn pink with the sunrise.

Christmas has a bit of a melancholy feel to it as well as it was four years ago mom died. I'm not going to use the euphemism passed away because she is still a very real part of our lives. She hasn't passed us by at all. Natali posted that she had lost some presents and I had to laugh, it brought back memories of mom standing there Christmas morning realising something hadn't made it under the tree. My most vivid memory of that was the first farm set we ever had, which I loved because of the tiny detail. We were watching Gulliver's Travels on TV in February when that gift reappeared! You'd think she had planned it that way.
Then there were the half finished sewing projects, the curse of a working mom with little left over time. I know the feeling, ambition always outweighs time. I've still got flannelette in the sewing room that was supposed to become pj's two Christmases ago. Probably next year, stay tuned.

I've heard from Dayle this morning, crazy woman is already out for a walk. They were all up at 5am as per usual. Now after getting everyone up the boys have gone back to bed. I've also heard from Jess. She's spending her first Christmas at her in-laws. She says it feels strange not being home but her family will now create their own traditions. I get them next year though, no arguing. Jenn and Theo will wake at a more leisurely time so I'll hear from them later.

Oh, look at that the sun is just cresting the trees and casting the most beautiful light on the woods. You may have noticed I've been dragging my heels getting out of Muskoka. Truth is I don't want to leave at all. I'm still looking for an opportunity to work close enough to stay. I can't seem to find where I want to be back south. The job is going well except for the crappy selling season we had these past few weeks. But this damn swamp keeps calling me home.

So, enjoy your time with family. Yes, I know, they drive you crazy but better that than having no one near by. I'll be lamenting the noise on January 10th when the wolf pack descends on us for our belated Christmas. What I need to remind myself of is that we have gathered in additional new family who look forward to our crazy dinners because we are loud and loving and fun. I can always run to the woods if it gets to be too much. Now, to start figuring out where I'm going to sleep those six extra people. Happy Holidays from all of us!

Thinking on Christmas

'Tis the time of year for buying all the Christmas magazines and falling into a fantasy world of Christmassy wonderfulness! I know there are people out there who manage to get through the season without wallowing in the glossy pages but I refuse to acknowledge THOSE kind of people.
For me the season starts in October when the Christmas Cookies magazine comes out. I have every issue saved back to the year I was married 1986. Each Christmas I pull out the entire stack and plan out my cookie extravaganza. There are recipes that I use every year, zebras must show up for every Christmas, and new ones that I want to experiment with. Last year I finally got my cookie press. Millions of little shaped cookies will be appearing this year!
My biggest issue this year is finding the time. I'm still living in limbo, travelling home sporadically, so having spare time to bake comes infrequently. Add to this holiday shopping hitting the malls over the next few weeks and I think highly strategic planning will be necessary. But I must bake, my soul cries out for it. Also, I must sample, my hips start crying too but for a different reason, lol.

Thinking on Christmas and reading some essays in Victoria magazine made me start thinking of traditions. When I was a kid we would receive gifts from Aunt Matilda and Uncle Wiggly. These were relatives created by my parents to make up for the loss of gifts from our real relatives. Don't worry we weren't disowned by the family, it was just that our parents bred like rabbits and there too many of us to keep exchanging gifts. I don't remember that part but I do, lovingly, remember Aunt Matilda and Uncle Wiggly.
 Aunt Matilda was very practical. If anyone was going to buy you underwear, it was her. But she would also occasionally get you a treat. I remember the Christmas of my first year away at school. I saw a real leather purse at a boutique in Gravenhurst that was out of reach for a starving student. Lo and behold I opened her gift Christmas morning and there was that purse. Matilda must have decided that I was now grown up enough to make good use of such an extravagance. I used that purse for years.
I think Uncle Wiggly was a bit of a dreamer. He always made sure we got books. I grew up in a house full of books and, subsequently, a house full of readers. My father, famously, read the Encylopedia Brittannica volume one through twenty-six for fun. When I was very young I would look forward to the Rupert Annual. This was a compilation of Rupert Bear comics that ran in the English newspaper The Daily Mirror. One of those odd things we Ferriers thought normal. Books from England, why of course, doesn't everyone do this? I say I think Wiggly was a dreamer because through those books we could travel anywhere or anytime. I see him as trying to open us up to all of the possibilities in the world. After all, Uncle Wiggly came to us from a book and was a white rabbit!

So, jump ahead a decade and here I am with my own children. Once again Matilda and Wiggly return to the family. This time to bring wonder to my own children. My kids don't know a Christmas without them. While Matilda has been able to carry on her practical ways Wiggly has been forced to change with the times. Books are still his favourite gift but he has also given movies and most recently video games. He looked quite pained while wrapping these last two but expanding the universe for his family is more important.
Until last year. Due to difficulties that rocked our little household Aunt Matilda and Uncle Wiggly were found to be failing in health. They were unable to join in on our Christmas. My heart was broken, how would I tell the kids? As expected it went like this; Jessica and Jenni were sad at the loss and Jeff and Greg didn't care. I was disappointed that the boys had not gotten the significance of these two characters in their Christmas. Each year there would be much discussion among the three of us trying to make sure the gifts from Matilda and Wiggly fit each child. How could the boys have not been aware of the part these relatives played in the holiday? I smile and act like it isn't important but it is. I have been sharing a part of my past that helped bring joy and wonder to Christmas, how could they not see that? Thankfully, Jessica and Jennifer get it. Each year they would look under the tree to make sure the gifts from these elderly relatives arrived. Jessica, especially, shares my love for Christmas and would teach her friends about the tradition of Aunt Matilda and Uncle Wiggly. Their true friends also get it because they get our family.
This year, after mourning the loss of my two imaginary relatives, I think it's time for a soap opera scene change. Life is, more or less, back on track and since I've been living in a bit of a soap opera for the past few years I think the return of Aunt Matilda and Uncle Wiggly is apropos. I missed them and they've been living in my heart over the past year. Time to revive them to their former glory. These kids definitely need Aunt Matilda to keep them grounded in the real world, perhaps underwear all around, we'll see. And I fear the boys especially have forgotten how to dream so we need Uncle Wiggly to expand the horizon one more time.
It's early but I'm already in the mood so Merry Christmas!!  I hope you have the gift of imagination and wonder like we do.

Where has the time gone?

I've been trying to come up with something interesting to write about and I realised today that I haven't written since August! How you all must be yearning for the balm of my words to flow over you, lol! The problem is, is that I haven't been doing anything but work. The store is pegging along but it seems to consume my time anyway. I'm kinda homeless right now because I'm still staying with Jess and Alex ( bless their hearts) and I get homesick a lot. I miss my boys, I miss my cats and I miss just being in my space with my stuff. I can't wait for four days off this weekend to sleep in my own bed, bake and cook. The kids are all coming and I'll get sick of their noise ( I don't know where their vociferous ways come from, must be a skipped generation thing) and in the end will feel whole.

It's been a bit of a tough weekend because my second mom died on Friday. As most of you know Brenda and I have been like  "peas and carrots" since we first met oh so many years ago. We shared each other's houses like they were our own and the passing of mom Gefucia is the final chapter with both our parents. Both mom's had the privilege of living long lives and are sorely missed.
I've been thinking about the two most influential women in my life and I realised that as much as I didn't understand the stay-at-home mom thing growing up I grew to appreciate the importance of being the anchor that secures the family during my ten years at home. I am too much like my parents in that I'm perfectly happy in and of myself. Brenda's parents showed me adults who had strong close friendships, enjoyed lives that didn't include their kids all the time and people who gave back to the community. I'd love to be that way but I'm not.  One thing both our families have are crazy senses of humour. May had a wry wit that she didn't parade out often but it's easy to see why she had so many loyal friends.
So, to be a little maudlin here Brenda and I have lost our anchors. Brenda saw her mom as the calm in the chaos and I had my mom as the voice of reason. We're now left to take what we've learned and carry on. I'm sure Brenda will be better at it than me because she plots her course and follows it while I tend to fly in the wind. I've found that the past three and a half years have posed challenges where I could have really used mom's practical advice. Whether I took it or not her comments made me stop and think. Hard to believe that we are becoming the elders in our families. I'm continue to try and figure out what I will be when I grow up!
With the celebration of Thanksgiving this weekend I plan to toast the two greatest women I've known, born in an era when you did what needed to be done and carried on. Here's hoping I stop and think just often enough and look outside myself to include others in my life. Cheers, ladies.

Just sitting and Thinking

So, as of tomorrow I'll have been with Victorinox one month and what a whirlwind it has been! Let's start with returning to the GTA, not what I thought I wanted but it's fitting like my favourite old shoes. I've ensconced myself at Jessica's where I sleep on a cot in the tiny back bedroom and live out of a suitcase. Sounds kinda grim but in reality it's turning out to be comfortable and I have been made welcome by most members of the household. My almost son-in-law and I have had a chance to get to know each other better. Maybe Mom has rubbed off on me after all because I'm not being made to feel like I should move on real quick. Jonathan, the giant master of the house, stares at me reproachfully every chance he gets. He reminds me that I will never be forgiven for making him live with his arch enemy for two years.
As for the new job, it's been one thing after another. Apparently Milton is at the end of the earth. At least it is for people who live in Toronto. The original manager of the store, whom I was determined to get along with despite his ineffectiveness, decided after driving out there for one week that it was too far and cost too much money. Now those of you who recall my previous job where I drove 250km  daily can imagine how I had to hide my incredulity at the thought of a 35km drive as too far. So, flash forward to my getting what I wanted all along which was to be GM of the store. I guess the one thing he did right was move over to make room for me. Now, we had hired an assistant sales manager , this company has many levels of management, who had started training. She came to me last week to talk and assured me that she was going to make it to work even though her car had broken down and she would have to figure out transit from Toronto. I get a call the next day to say that she had quit. Not a big deal because as one of my staff put it, she was just a name on the schedule. Twelve hour days are becoming the norm and I'm the best roommate 'cause I'm never there! Add all of this to the fact that the mall is jammed packed most of each day with over a thousand people walking through the doors daily.
Is it only a month ago I was bored stiff from not working? Next time I send a message out to the universe remind me to think it through thoroughly first. And yes, you're right, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Opening a new store is basically a  wonderfully horrible thing. Whatever can go wrong usually does but I thrive on the challenge of making it work, proving to my bosses that I can do what's needed and then my most favourite part, building a great team. We're getting there. The store is two and half weeks old and I am, of course, worrying about not being perfect at everything already. Where would I be without something to worry about?
Added bonus in this is that I'm removed from the everydayness of life. I'm finding it quite easy to only concentrate on what I need. Is this a sign that an empty nest might not be the end of the world? I've left the boys to fend for themselves up north. I talked to them today, still alive and bickering. I'm missing home though, the boys, my babies ( that's the crazy cat lady talking) and my space. I haven't been baking because I don't have my things about me. Good for my figure but my soul is starving a little. Short-term pain for long-term gain.
Moving on to other thoughts. Jessica and Alex are getting married. It feels like they already are but I get the wish to make it permanent. They're planning a civil service with a small dinner party to follow. I find it strange that my flamboyant daughter is uncomfortable with the idea of being in front of a crowd of well-wishers. I always figured her for the child that would want as much pomp and ceremony as possible. A day all about her, oh and Alex too! Shows I don't know everything. They're both involved in making it represent the two of them. I think their friends will have a good time.
So, I'm exhausted but happy. The gods seem to be telling me that this is a good choice right now. I just need to relax and settle into the job then I can gather the rest of my life back around me.

And the pedulum swings again!

The least I can say about my life lately is that it's never stagnant! It's seems that every time I turn around something else is coming my way. Unfortunately it has felt like more bad than good being flung in my direction. If I go by that saying "God only sends you the trials he thinks you can handle", damn I practically invincible! Well, I'm still standing and saying bring it on.
Four years ago when I made the decision to leave the city and head back north I thought it was where I should be. If I'd been paying attention I would have seen that the powers that be were tossing roadblocks in my way on a regular basis to slow me down to rethink the move. To start the real estate market ground to a complete halt pretty much on the same day I put the for sale sign on the yard. It took me 6 months to sell the house and we ended up buying a house ( a house I love by the way) in between but not belonging to any town. I had a line on two different jobs up here that I accepted at a wage level waaay below my usual, both of which had disappeared before the end of year one. Then followed 11 months trying to find work ending with a job far south and again below my usual pay rate. The stress of this commute led to the health issues I had this spring. Now, I consider myself a pretty savvy person but apparently I'm also stubborn as a mule. The signs were slapping me in the face and I refused to see them.
So, after much discussion with the boys and wholehearted agreement from the girls I made the decision that the GTA is where I belong. To that end I cast my employment search south and within two weeks I had been interviewed and offered a position as part of a team opening another new store at the highest pay rate I've ever been offered! I accepted. Now, a bit of a dilemma figuring out housing. I'm trying to be slow and thoughtful about this, not my strong suit as those of you who know me will agree. I want to make sure everything is working before I pick up the gang and move them again. Enter another open window in the guise of Jess and Alex. For the time being I will be renting space from them giving me a chance to settle, find a house and get everything coordinated and it's only 20 minutes door to door to work.
Sounds like this is all about me and in a way it is. I'm not in any hurry to get the boys out of the house but let's face it, if an opportunity comes up they could be off to the far reaches of the earth! I've certainly missed the girls in the past three years, the trip north being less feasible than we thought ( especially with the demise of the Northlander, grrr ) so being back in the GTA will bring us all together again. Yes, I'm an old softy who wants to be near her kids, what can I say.
So, roadblocks and open roads , the pendulum swings again. I'm loathe to let go of our patch of land in the woods. As I left the city to spend a few days home a rainbow arced over the city. I haven't seen a rainbow in a long time. I took it as a sign that the correct decision has been made. I stepped out of the car at home to look up at a sky resplendent with stars and the scent of evergreens in the air. This is the battle I'm now waging. How do I hang on to Muskoka while living the city life? This something I'm going to take the next 6 months figuring out. In the meantime, I think we may rent out the house up here, if feasible, and thoughtfully find our new stomping grounds. I'm still mulling this over.
Opportunity awaits the three of us back in the GTA. Jeff will have an opportunity to find a permanent job and make his further education decisions. Greg can have a choice of schools with the hopes of finding his niche and the cats will have new nooks and crannies to explore. For now I'm at peace and I'm planning on hanging on to it.
Oh, and come see me! The store I'm opening is at a new outlet mall opening this week in Halton Hills ( fancy new name for the Georgetown / Acton area), 401 and Trafalgar Rd. The company name is Victorinox. Not familiar? Google it. This is the second store in Canada and the first outlet store. I've joined the company to have the opportunity to help grow the brand in North America. Scary and exciting at the same time, mother's milk for me. I'm livin' life on the edge, lol! Then I go home to my cats and kids, bring it on God, bring it on.